Rainbows and Kittens

I’m just going to start off by saying that I am not going to sugarcoat things.

I hate being pregnant. It probably has a lot to do with the horrible, uncomfortable, me feeling useless, all day long “morning” sickness. I probably thought pregnancy was going to be all rainbows and kittens because of this.

And this.

And even this.

It is not rainbows and kittens. And apparently I’m not allowed to talk about it. Apparently when we go to Motherhood Maternity to buy Preggie Pop Drops (which don’t work, so save your $4.95) for the horrible morning sickness I am not allowed to tell the too happy saleslady who looked 12 that it is not rainbows and kittens. Right before she gave me a bag of coupons and a sample of Preparation H wipes.

Jordan HATES when people ask me how I’m feeling with that excited look on their faces and I tell the truth. I can’t help it, I tell it like it is and I'm just a crabby pregnant person so far. But to please him I try to remember to say “I am so excited to be experiencing the miracle of pregnancy”…and he gets mad. I can’t win with this guy. Actually he’s been pretty great, besides the whole “act like you love being pregnant” thing. He does the dishes when it’s my turn, he runs a bath for me, he does the laundry, and he even drives me all the way to Shawano because I want Chinese food.

He also went with me to our first prenatal visit on Monday. It was pretty uneventful, I thought we would be able to hear a heartbeat or something but we we’re wrong. It was mostly blood tests and waiting. We know that we’re having a baby and I can take B6 pills to try to alleviate some of the “morning” sickness. Oh but we did meet with our prenatal coordinator who’s fantastic. She has some of the coolest visual aids for pregnancy EVER. She showed us how big baby is now and I’m a little worried because she looks suspiciously like one of those tiny canned shrimp that are on shrimp dip. You know, the cream cheese, cocktail sauce and tiny shrimp concoction? I’m not going to lie, I kind of wanted to eat it. Don’t judge.

Oh you caught that? That part where I referred to baby as a “she”? That’s because I’m convinced we’re having a girl, based on a very reliable source…wives’ tales. I don’t think that whether or not I prefer the heel of a loaf of bread is that significant but my insatiable sweet tooth, unpleasant “morning” sickness, increased acne and ridiculous fruit cravings point to girl. Even though Jordan thinks I’m carrying a baby boy he’s particularly worried that our gender neutral nursery is too “boyish”. Hmmmmmm.

Blueberry

My pants fit a little tighter today and I’m going to go ahead and assume that it’s probably the dryer’s fault. It steals socks and the way I see it, playing the ‘ole shrinking pants trick isn’t that big of a stretch. Yeah, that sounds about right.

The truth is, your little blueberry sized self probably has something to do with it. Come to think of it, the nausea, dry heaving, exhaustion, and ridiculous sense of smell (Seriously, I could smell Daddy’s breath across the room for a while) are probably your doing too. But I’m willing to deal with it since I’m fairly certain that you’ll make us the happiest people in the world in a few months…when you’re born and the horrible pregnancy symptoms finally stop. Just kidding. Well, a little bit anyway.

You’re probably wondering if you have the craziest parents in the world (for the record, yes) since we’re documenting this journey for you and our family. But I’ll let you in on a little secret…We are SO EXCITED. Like, you’re only 6 weeks and we’re already working on your nursery excited. Daddy is cleaning the litter box excited. I know, I still don’t believe it either but that’s how over the moon we are about you!

So on the days that you hate us (because we won’t let you sleep over at a friend’s until we talk to their mom first) you’ll read this and know that we love you.